Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
