So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize