Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
