Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
