I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
