This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
