need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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