all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
