I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize