Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
