the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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