ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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