Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
