I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
