:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
