it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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