All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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