the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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