i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize