Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
