Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
