he told me I talked like a deaf person
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
