I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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