I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
