I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
