you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
