Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
