just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
