we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
