Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
