I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
