yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
