the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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