i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
