I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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