You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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