Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
