And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
