Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize