Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
