The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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