I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
