Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
