she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
