69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
