So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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