I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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