I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
