we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
