Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize