I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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