For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
