I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
