I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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