If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
