I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love you. Go after that dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize