Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
