The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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