I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
