I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
