I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
