There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
