If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
