so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
