I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
