you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
