i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize