Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
