this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
