True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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