I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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